The Holy Family's relevance for today

Here are my Sunday Bulletin reflections for December 27:

The last Sunday of 2009 and the Feast of the Holy Family today. I have two thoughts that I believe are worth sharing and considering. They are different, but related.

The first is that we usually consider the "holy family" to be Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, living quiet, holy lives in humble surroundings, with Jesus being raised as an ever-obedient only child, while Mary is the ever-patient mother doing her household chores and Joseph in his workshop making furniture for the village. That's a nice thought, but totally unreal. All small-town households of that time and culture were large, bustling, dynamic, and messy aggregations of all sorts of relatives living in close proximity. Even if Mary remained a life-long virgin, as Catholic tradition has always maintained, Jesus had "brother and sisters," either cousins living the same household or, more likely I think, Joseph's children from a previous marriage. Or both; very likely along with some of Joseph's or Mary's siblings. Joseph's widowed situation would not have been uncommon because the mortality rate in childbirth was high.

The point is that Jesus was raised experiencing all the beautiful and challenging messiness of family life, with many related individuals living together, whether by choice or necessity. To put it another way, Jesus experienced life not too much different in essence from our own.

The second, and related, point is that families are in trouble today mostly, I believe, because of isolation. Traditional marriage has always depended on a wide-ranging and complex network of family relationship, committed to mutual support. Now, at best, "traditional family" boils down to two people, and perhaps 2.5 children, facing the challenge of making it on their own. The wider network of family relationships no longer are part of the substance of family living, but are relegated to occasional (hopefully) friendly and festive gathering. Unlike in the past, the situations that give rise to conflicts are "nobody else's business," except of course when the media feeds on celebrities' troubles. When a couple experiences difficulty, they can't claim much support from a wider family network. All too often, there is no one willing to embrace them both and provide a context within which they can rebuild their relationship with each other.

One of the points I frequently make in my wedding homilies is that everyone who cares enough to come to witness the life-long commitment of this newly married couple, is also signifying their own commitment to support the couple in times of the inevitable trials that will come, so that their relationship may truly be for-life as they pledge on the wedding day.

As we pray for families today, please embody that prayer in your own loving support for the families of your own extended family and community. Blessings and peace of the New Year for all of you and those you love. I love you.